Handling Gossip discusses God’s prohibition on Gossip and Slander. How to avoid it, its consequences, etc.
We are all open to a lot of things in a church environment, and one of these things is when people tell you bad things about others. There is nothing more effective at destroying a church than gossip. As pastor, you must master Handling Gossip.
When I think about handling gossip, there are two kinds of gossip. One is just untruths being told about some third party. The other kind of gossip is simply the truth, but not favorable to the person. The point of gossip is that the gossiper gets joy from revealing information about another person. That information is a fire that because of its nature, quickly spreads from person to person. In all cases, gossip does not help that the person which it is about.
Consider this, a young single girl becomes pregnant. One person who enjoys gossip tells all the gruesome details of with whom she slept with, what she might do, and any other damaging details she can insert into the gossip whether they be true or not. A good Christian hears that the single girl is pregnant, and that person tells others to “pray for her because she is having some rough times in her life.” That person does not enter into any details at all. That person does not slander the person. Perhaps the gossip in itself that she is pregnant is baseless. But the gossiper will create more gossip from it, saying she was pregnant and then got an abortion. This is all damaging to the girl, no matter if it is true or untrue.
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Contents
Gossip is prohibited by God
Let’s begin by understanding that man is created in the image of God, and any, absolutely ANY aggression against another person is an aggression against God. Perhaps we can justify war more than slander. Self-defense and nation going against nation have some more valid defense than gossip, which has no reason why it should exist. Handling gossip is essentially curbing the aggression people express towards one another.
Gossip is an aggression against another person, and it is sin.
Lev 19:16 Thou shalt not go up and down as a talebearer among thy people: neither shalt thou stand against the blood of thy neighbour: I am the LORD.
God forbids us from going about telling things about other people. The idea of gossip is not that we cannot tell things of our own life, or that of our spouse or children, and I really don’t think this is a unilateral prohibition from giving good tidings about other people. It is about saying things that may be detrimental or slanderous against them. If what you say about a person is in any sense negative, then it is gossip. Equally, it is gossip if it goes into too great of detail into their life, things that simply shouldn’t be repeated or spread around. Somebody has some disease, then it is not your place to be informing the world of that matter.
Prov 11:13 A talebearer revealeth secrets: but he that is of a faithful spirit concealeth the matter.
Prov 20:19 He that goeth about as a talebearer revealeth secrets: therefore meddle not with him that flattereth with his lips.
Prov 18:8 The words of a talebearer are as wounds, and they go down into the innermost parts of the belly.
Prov 26:22 The words of a talebearer are as wounds, and they go down into the innermost parts of the belly.
What is sinful is the revealing of secrets. For example, the fact that a person works at a factory may be considered public knowledge, and to let that fact on is not gossip. The things that that particular person doesn’t want others to know (their secrets) is what makes something gossip. The discovery of information by the gossiper “wounds”, which means that in some way it hurts that person, and that decision is not what you think but what they would think. Perhaps it is public knowledge that they work at a factory. But it is a secret, THEIR SECRET, that their uncle is a supervisor there and got them that job.
We must be very careful about how we handle information and relay that information to other people.
Ps 34:13 Keep thy tongue from evil, and thy lips from speaking guile.
The Consequences of Gossip
Prov 26:20 Where no wood is, there the fire goeth out: so where there is no talebearer, the strife ceaseth.
Gossip causes strife and contention. It causes hard feelings and hurt. The only way to prevent and handling gossip correctly is to greatly refrain from revealing information.
Usually, gossip and slander begin against people that are your enemies. But when the desire to tell stories to others grow, the information runs out, so the person looks for information about other people, and their friends come to mind.
Prov 16:28 A froward man soweth strife: and a whisperer separateth chief friends.
In the end, the gossip runs out of friends, and for all the popularity that gossip and slander gave them at first, now they are enemies with everybody.
Protecting yourself from Gossip
Ps 101:3 I will set no wicked thing before mine eyes: I hate the work of them that turn aside; it shall not cleave to me. Ps 101:4 A froward heart shall depart from me: I will not know a wicked person. Ps 101:5 Whoso privily slandereth his neighbour, him will I cut off: him that hath an high look and a proud heart will not I suffer.
Firstly, the best prevention against slander and gossip is simply not desiring to see and hear bad things about people. Truly, Satan has had a “full court press” against the world for some time now in the form of novels, movies, and especially things like soap operas. These avenues are just one bad thing after another that is “set before our eyes.” The craving of wickedness is heavy in our souls. It would seem we all would like to hear and see wickedness in the lives of others, and this is now our daily bread.
Secondly, we must refuse them that “turn aside”. Those who sin should not be our heroes nor should we want to be with them, hear them, or see them. When somebody slanders somebody else, telling wickedness hurtful things about that person, we need the moral fortitude to interrupt them and just say, I don’t want to hear this, and walk away.
Ps 101:5 Whoso privily slandereth his neighbour, him will I cut off: him that hath an high look and a proud heart will not I suffer.
God sets himself against those who slander others. God will finish that slanderer off. This ultimately is related to a high look and a proud heart. In other words, the gossiper, the slanderer is a person who somehow feels superior to others because he has dirt on other people.
Eph 4:29 Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.
Somehow, the slanderer and gossiper think it is the duty of others to not have dirt. They ignore the fact that a lot of the slander and dirt people spread about one another is totally false. It is our responsibility to not let anything that is corrupt come out of our mouth. What we say about other people should be edifying TO ALL INVOLVED!
Titus 3:2 To speak evil of no man, to be no brawlers, but gentle, shewing all meekness unto all men.
We are commanded to not speak evil of any man. Rather we are to show forth meekness, that is humbleness, and prudence of speech.
Jas 1:26 If any man among you seem to be religious, and bridleth not his tongue, but deceiveth his own heart, this man’s religion is vain.
Prov 21:23 Whoso keepeth his mouth and his tongue keepeth his soul from troubles.
For those who toy with slander and gossip, thinking that somehow they are more righteous than those they talk about, God corrects this. The first steps of holiness before God is to control himself, and this is especially true in that of a person’s words. This concept of controlling your words is prudence.
Self-control or temperance (Gal 5:22-23, a fruit of the Holy Spirit’s indwelling of a person) is the remedy for staying out of trouble.
Matt 12:36 But I say unto you, That every idle word that men shall speak, they shall give account thereof in the day of judgment.
Jesus warns us that every idle word that we speak will be accounted for before the Lord on judgment day.
Prov 17:4 A wicked doer giveth heed to false lips; and a liar giveth ear to a naughty tongue.
Notice how God sees things here. God identifies as wicked and as being a liar IF A PERSON LISTENS to slander. You are the sinner here for hearing out falsehoods against another person.
1. Think good of other people.
2. Do not repeat gossip.
3. Do not hear gossip.
4. Treat discontent correctly.
If a brother offends you, go to that person directly first, and if no resolution, go with a witness, then go to the pastor.
Exceptions to Gossip and Slander
We should also understand that there are a few people who are kind of exempt to this rule of not hearing Gossip and Slander. Firstly, I think every parent has an obligation to correct their own children, therefore, they need to hear accusations against their children. They don’t have to accept what the accusation is, but they should give it a hearing and then investigate and then vindicate their children or deal with it if it needs to be dealt with. It is important that parents correctly handling gossip by teaching their kids not to repeat rumors and things that can potentially slander people.
Secondly, I think this same duty extends to the pastor of a church. I am a pastor of a church, and after 30 years I have heard a lot of slander against other people. For a pastor, handling gossip is a very real activity, because seldom will he actually hear gossip, but he will know that things are wrong between his people. In order to be correctly handling gossip, he needs to preach against it whether it is outwardly present or not. In counseling couples that are considering divorce, there is no way to deal with the problems without hearing them. These things take a different tone than gossip. The accusations are not so much from a third party against a person not present but two people fighting that drag everything they are contending with into the open.
Thirdly, I would also see the civil authorities as doing their duties when they hear any accusations in the investigation of a crime. What these investigators do (handling gossip) is part of their job.
But even so, with these exceptions, these are exceptions to not hearing accusations or slander against a person, and none of these people (parent, pastor, or civil authority) has any business in repeating these accusations freely to whomever.